OCTOBER MONTHLY MUSINGS To muse: To wonder and marvel; to become absorbed in mindful, reflective meditation provoking thoughtful inspiration to unlock doors, walk through them with ease, experience the world of possibilities, and create positive life changes. Imaginary lines you draw around yourself setting limits and defining the space you need to express all of yourself. These imaginary lines define what others cannot do to you or around you and provide plenty of space for you to grow emotionally, developmentally, and spiritually. "Boundaries - Put Them Out In Front Of You" by Coach Deborah What does it mean to put boundries out in front of you? Here's an example. There was a wife and mother who decided to pull up her life pants and re-enter the workforce. For 12 years she found great joy in raising her children and being CEO of Home and Family. One morning, she got out of bed, drank her coffee and decided to start investigating how she wanted to use her time during this next life chapter. When she had made her decision, she started to notify her support system (family, friends,and community). She created the boundaries she needed to give herself the time and space to go back to school and then start her own business. With great enthusiasm, this woman told her husband and two daughters her plans and how life was going to take a new and positive turn in the road. Her family could sense her happiness, so they each got their new delegated duties and orders from headquarters. Shifting was interesting for everyone in the family. After about four months of transition, dog, husband, wife, and children made the adjustment. Business owner, student, mother and wife, consistently followed through by reminding her family a day ahead what their responsibilities were for the following day. They all learned new steps to maneuver and adjust. Shifting occurred and the family "happy dance" continued on to a new, improved rhythm. She communicated to schools and parents at the beginning of the school year that she was going back to school and was no longer available for long-term volunteer commitments. She'd continue to make herself available for one-time volunteer opportunities when it worked into her schedule. Next, she rallied her friends around her for their support and told them what her weekly schedule was going to look like and the best times to contact her. Friday coffee and conversation, yoga, and the birthday club celebrations remained sacred time with her friends. Do you see how this woman created her own imaginary lines to give herself the room to develop and grow herself completely? She put her boundaries out in front of her. By letting everyone in her little corner of the world know how she was using her time and making big life changes, she surrounded herself with positive support while outlining her priorities in order to achieve her desired outcomes. Can you guess who the woman is in this story? If you answered Coach Deborah, you win the prize. Creating boundaries works! Setting boundaries helps you to protect yourself and live the life you want on your own terms. With healthy boundaries, family members and true friends respect you more. Here's one thing I know for sure. When you give yourself more than enough space when going through a transition, the people who really care about you will understand and shift with you. How great is that?! Here's the deal... Set boundaries for the right reasons. Set boundaries so you know you are not being stifled and held back from growing in to the person you are. Be graceful in your boundary setting. You don't need to build walls or wave around a sword to get peoples' attention. At first, you may feel clumsy or go overboard, but eventually creating boundaries becomes natural and automatic. It takes practice. Begin where it's easiest for you to set boundaries whether that be with your spouse, child, or co-worker. The more you use boundary setting, the more courageous you'll become. By the way... Here are some internet and book resources addressing boundaries. www.professionalboundaries.com - loaded with solid information on setting boundaries in the work place. www.janebluestein.com - contains workshops, handouts, articles, and educational information for all age groups.             Did you know... There are four major benefits to having extensive boundaries: You will attract people who also have respect for themselves. You will have far more room to grow because you aren't being drained or violated. Your personal standards have room to rise very high. You will eliminate a great deal of your fears. Give Yourself A Me Time Moment Find a quiet place and relax your mind, body, and spirit. Take a deep breath and then write down a list of the 10 things that people may no longer do around you, do to you, or say to you. Then, make the decision to sit down with each person involved and get them to commit to honoring you and your boundaries. Here's a list of some language (taken from Coach U, Inc.) you can use to extend your boundaries. "That's hurtful. Please stop." "What you just said is inappropriate." "I've been doing some work on boundaries that will affect our relationship and I want to share with you what is okay and not okay to happen between us." "You know how you joke around about _________? Well, I recently realized that it hurts me, and I ask you to respect this and to stop doing it. What you can do is.." On a Wing and a Prayer "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." 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